so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
