"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I wish you could order shots online.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
