That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize