I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I checked into jail on foursquare
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
