Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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