does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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