My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
