all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
