I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
They took my balls.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize