I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
