HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
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