We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
