I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
