How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
