I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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