Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
