Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
