Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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