If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
