Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
