I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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