i permit you to call me
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
