You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
