I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
