i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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