Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
My dad is sitting where you rode me
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
