it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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