I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
