Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
