so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize
