I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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