I think my vagina is haunted
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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