I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
