I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
