Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
