Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize