so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
