it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
