Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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