if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
