I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
