I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
