So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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