so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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