just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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