The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
