There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
When are your genitals available?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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