why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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