I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
