You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
