make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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