I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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