It's Friday. Sex?
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
