Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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