Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Randomize
