i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Randomize
