I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
