She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
