Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
