What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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