Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
