hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
sex in a hospital.. check
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
