also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
