Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
